I'm starting to get older. There's no denying it, it happens to everyone, the grey hairs on my chin and head reminds me of this fact every time I glance at the mirror. Lately though there's been several things that I have been noticing from day to day. These things are really starting to get on my nerves. Call it old age (I'm only late 30's but still) call it intolerance, call it being a giant douche, call it whatever you want to really. But there are things that I see, on people's facebook posts, other social network feeds, TV, movies, the way people talk, and all kinds of other places that when they do it I die a little inside. So, as a way to vent, here's my post (possibly the first of several) of "WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS".
1. the "Everything you post is about me" People
Even though this one isn't a big one for me, I figured I'd cover this one first because a link to this blog entry will most likely go to my facebook and I want this out right of the hop. OK...we all have that one "friend on Facebook" or maybe you have 2 or more...You know...you post something that annoys you or something you heard about someone else doing or just a general status about anything that could be perceived as "controversial". And that "friend" automatically assumes the post is about them. you could have 12,861 friends you COULD be talking about but of course...because this person is so self absorbed they think you MUST be talking about them. Ugh...OK..so let me set the record straight right now for everyone with a facebook page being monitored by this self-involved-self-important-delusions-of-grandeur person on your friends list. Dear Mr Prince/Ms Princess of the kingdom of "GETOVERYOURSELF" If we choose to post something on our own personal Facebook Page, it is not, repeat IS NOT necessarily about you..or anyone for that matter..and...with the number of friends most of us have, it's DEFINITELY NOT about you. I have had instances with a couple of these "friends" who made it necessary for me to basically say, for the umpteenth time "no it's not you...no its not about you...it is my facebook..I will post what I want about what I want when I want...if this is going to cause you to get stressed out and think it's all meant for you...then by all means...unfriend me..do whatever..I DO NOT CARE" They did unfriend me...almost every time, thankfully, major weight off. SO...if you are one of these people who think everything I write or post is about you, it's about to get real...so it's probably best if you stop reading when you see the meerkat.
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ok then...moving on
2. The word "BAE"
This is a word that I've seen pop up a lot lately all over the internet..usually by fairly young pretty people. From what I've read it basically mean "baby" or "sweetie" so I guess it's just a lazy way to say baby?? I wasn't aware we were rationing syllables but young people seem to be in such a hurry these days that two syllables are just too many I guess. Now I could say all kinds of things about these people but I don't have to..tuns out..the word "BAE" is an actual word...in Danish......for POOP. Jokes on you internet and every stupid person who uses this shitty word (see what I did there?)
3. Duckface
Ok..need I say more? it's not cute or attractive. You look like someone took your photo at the precise moment the clot came free and entered your brain.
4. These Fucking things
And while we're on the subject. All claw hand photos of your freshly painted nails. Nobody cares. Gears...ground.
5. Bad Grammar
I'm going to preface this so I don't sound like a pretentious douche. In grade school I had at least two teachers who were big on grammar. Always were on my ass about their, they're or there...your and you're...the list goes on. So now when I see someone comment on a social post with "your cute" i shudder. When I tell someone something and they say "I no" I tear up a little. When someone says "I seen that the other day" I slam my face down on my desk. Seriously? Have none of you gone to school? Ok..to help you loyal reader here's a quick list
hear - is when you use your ears to detect sound
here - is when you use your feet and are taking up some ground
there - is like here but just a bit further from you
their - means that spot over there..belongs to them
they're - is actually two words...they are...crazy right?
your - something belong's to you
you're - two words again..you guessed it...you are
are - as in "you are reading this"
our - as in "this is our meatball"
seen - is something that happens when eyeballs are on you
saw - is something that happens when you are the eyeballs
Grind away gears...grind away.
6. Uptalk
You know..that person? who talks as if everything they say? is a question?
wow...this is a long post..ok..So I guess I better end there. So in closing let me just say...everything I write is satire..don't be so uppity. If you don't like it, then that just means I'm funnier than you...and maybe even better looking. Just remember people, don't take life too seriously..you'll never get out alive.
MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU
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